is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
