Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
