Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
