some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
