i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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