Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
