If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
