there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My vagina is officially offended.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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