She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
