In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
