Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he was CRYING into my vagina
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
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