i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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