Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
