You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's blow job season.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
