he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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