I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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