Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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