the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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