worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Why are your pants in the freezer?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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