Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
