Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
