I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
