what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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