I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
