Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
