I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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