omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
