tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
