Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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