I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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