I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
