Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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