i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
