In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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