No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
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At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
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We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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