I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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