How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
