Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i wish my penis had a tongue
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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