Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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