I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
