Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
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we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
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I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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