True but thats because hes a fetus.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
