well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
