guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
