Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
