I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
