when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
