And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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