There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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