I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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