Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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