My nipple is on Facebook.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
