dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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