oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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