she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the day after is always just damage control
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
