i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
