I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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