Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
