I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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