I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
