i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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